thorninmyside

Today’s theme for Thankful Thursday is the precious words found in the Bible. Join us at Grace Alone for more TT posts.

One of the things I value the most is peace.  Peace in our hearts, particularly during difficult circumstances, only comes from a relationship with Christ.  Here is one of my favorite verses about peace:  Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you.  I do not give peace to you as the world gives.  Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27 NIV

And here is another of my favorites- short, sweet and what a promise!  Thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.  I Corinthians 15: 57 NIV

I don’t know about you but I am so thankful for victory!  The victory that comes through a relationship with Jesus.  The victory over depression, chronic pain, fear, pity parties- all of that is avalable to us through Christ and for that I am soooo thankful!

Be Blessed, my friends!

For more Thankful Thursday posts click here.  The theme for today is random.  As you know if you read this blog regularly (and if you don’t how come? LOL) Isaiah 58 is my life chapter.  And so I want to thank God for some of the promises in that chapter today.

This is a chapter full of conditional promises.  God tells us what we need to do and even tells us what will happen in return if we are willing to do that. 

v. 6 says loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke.  The word yoke in this context means bondage.  Wow, when I think of how many of us that live with chronic illness are dealing with different issues of bondage, whether it be pain, depression, loneliness, despair, disability or all of the above, it is so awesome to also know that we can be set free.  But, this promise doesn’t say to set yourself free and you will be healed.  We are to focus on others, that is the call of Isaiah 58 and the conditional promise from God is that when we do that, when we spend ourselves on others, then our healing will quickly appear (v.8).  This healing refers not just to our physical ailments but more importantly the healing of our spiritual infirmities.

I am thankful for the fact that through my illness I have learned I would much rather be set free from my spiritual illnesses than any physical ailment.  I have been healed on the inside by the Great Physician and that is what I am thankful for this beautiful Thursday.

I can’t find my bleepin’ (oops, had an Illinois governor moment LOL) keys- AGAIN.  Now, I know that many of you that don’t live with a chronic illness can relate to this but those of you that do can relate on a completely different level.  Brain “fog” as this symptom of many chronic illnesses is known,  is my most frustrating symptom on a personal level.  I feel like I can’t trust myself to remember things that used to come naturally, such as my son’s orthodontist appointment or where the heck I put my keys, shoes- you name it.

I am a professional organizer by trade so I have incorporated tried and true methods to help me remember, much like I would suggest to a client that struggles with attention deficit issues.  Yet, here I sit.  Typing a blog post instead of driving to Bible study because I can’t find my bleepin’ keys.

I prayed and resolved myself to the fact that since it is freezing rain outside maybe I am not supposed to be driving today.  God knows my stubborn nature and knows that hiding my keys is probably the only way to keep me at home today. Or, I’m losing it. I prefer the first option.

Cognitive impairment (I prefer brain fog) occurs in approximately 50-60 percent of people with multiple sclerosis (www.nmss.org).  It manifests itself through issues with short term memory, information processing and executive functioning abilities.  Executive functioning are those mundane, everyday things like being able to balance a checkbook, shop from a list, locate your bleepin’ keys. 

The pre-frontal cortex of your brain (the frontal lobes that comprise the cerebrum) is responsible for these executive functioning and cognitive tasks.  This part of the brain also controls learning, behavior and judgement.

Other symptoms like fatigue, nutritional deficiencies, etc. can exacerbate the cognitive issues associated with MS.  And environmental and external pressures like stress (it is the holiday’s) can also worsen cognitive symptoms.

Does any of this make me feel any better?  Actually, yes.  Knowledge is power and being educated about the disease process that affects you is key to maintaining a realistic outlook on your situation.  I don’t need to sit here and beat myself up about the fact that I have lost my keys again.  I can chalk it up to a myriad of the issues mentioned above and actually chuckle that at least I have an excuse (since some of my friends have similar issues and no illness to blame it on LOL).

And, if brain fog or any other symptom does get you down from time to time (we are human and I for one tend to be emotional at times) then just remember the words to this song by Steven Curtis Chapman.  The lyrics came to my mind while I was frantically looking for my keys and are frequently of comfort to me:

His strength is perfect when my strength is gone

He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on

Raised in His power, the weak become strong

His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect.

His grace is sufficient~Melissa

I have had a difficult week.  I am frustrated with my doctors, frustrated with my body, frustrated with my life and if I am completely honest I am even frustrated with God.  Sometimes you just get tired of hearing bad news.  I would like to go to the doctor and get some good news.  I’d like to get good labs back.  But that is apparently not the path for me right now and I have been getting downright depressed and yucky about it.

A sad but true phenomenon that takes place when I get frustrated with life is that I tend to distance myself from God.  This should be counter-intuitive to me by now.  God is the only one that can give me the strength to continue on this journey, yet I run from and avoid Him when things are not going my way.

Because, really, that is what it boils down to.  I don’t like my circumstances.  I wish they were different.  I wish God would take this cup from me but He is choosing not to.  And that needs to be okay with me or I am going to feel like this a lot. 

2 Corinthians 4:7-18 brought me comfort today.  When I was crying out to God- “where are you?”, He answered with these verses.  It boils down to the truth I know in my heart- it is when we are weak that He is strong.  I am feeling hard pressed by continued health issues and restrictions- He promises I will not be crushed.  I am perplexed and looking for the answers to questions that may not be answered this side of Heaven- He promises I will not be given over to despair.  I feel persecuted and betrayed by my own body, I feel like no one else understands what I go through- He promises not to abandon me.  I feel struck down by fatigue, pain, depression, brain fog- He promises  I will not be destroyed.  And though outwardly I certainly feel like I am a waste, I can be renewed internally by His loving compassion and mercy.  I just have to accept it.    Why is that so hard?