thorninmyside

For more Thankful Thursday posts click here.  The theme for today is random.  As you know if you read this blog regularly (and if you don’t how come? LOL) Isaiah 58 is my life chapter.  And so I want to thank God for some of the promises in that chapter today.

This is a chapter full of conditional promises.  God tells us what we need to do and even tells us what will happen in return if we are willing to do that. 

v. 6 says loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke.  The word yoke in this context means bondage.  Wow, when I think of how many of us that live with chronic illness are dealing with different issues of bondage, whether it be pain, depression, loneliness, despair, disability or all of the above, it is so awesome to also know that we can be set free.  But, this promise doesn’t say to set yourself free and you will be healed.  We are to focus on others, that is the call of Isaiah 58 and the conditional promise from God is that when we do that, when we spend ourselves on others, then our healing will quickly appear (v.8).  This healing refers not just to our physical ailments but more importantly the healing of our spiritual infirmities.

I am thankful for the fact that through my illness I have learned I would much rather be set free from my spiritual illnesses than any physical ailment.  I have been healed on the inside by the Great Physician and that is what I am thankful for this beautiful Thursday.

People are often taken aback when I say that I am thankful for my illness.  There are many reasons that I feel that my MS diagnosis has been a blessing for me and my family.  I would have probably never slowed down and lived for the moment if not for MS.  I would not have been forced to deal with the deep-seated emotional issues I had spent my whole life holding in.  I would not have learned to let go of the small stuff and be (a tad) less controlling.

In the grand scheme of things our time on this earth is not about us.  It is about how we live our lives for God’s glory.  My trials and issues are really insignificant.  When you are able to step out of your pity party and look at the world around you, it is easy to see that I we don’t have it so bad.  I have learned about the plight of chronically ill people in third world countries- hello?  How can I complain when they have no access to healthcare at all?  There are orphans in Eastern Europe that are institutionalized for life (just put in cribs at the age of four) simply because they have Down Syndrome.  Babies that are suffocated at birth because of deformities.

I think of how much this type of atrocity must pain our Lord.  How He must yearn for us to get out of our own little self absorbed box and find ways to help those that are less fortunate and more oppressed than we could ever imagine being.

What would the world be like if we all took an interest in other people’s problems rather than our own?  If we focused on loving everyone we come in contact with instead of trying to leverage situations for our own benefit?

I have been just as guilty as the rest of allowing myself to wallow in my trials.  But, the Lord is speaking to my heart so loudly lately, particularly through a passage in Isaiah 58:6-12

Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break over every yoke?  Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?  Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.  Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say:  Here am I.

If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness and your night will become like the noonday.

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sunscorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. 

Now, I don’t know about you but I am interested in feeling like a well watered garden and am thankful te Lord provides the guidelines for doing so.   

When you are living with someone that has limitations due to a chronic illness it can be tempting to attempt to control their behavior.  I don’t think people do this out of ill will or the intention of being upsetting but it is.  I hate when my hubby lovingly reminds me that I shouldn’t eat that piece of cheesecake because of my high cholesterol.  That I should really use my wheelchair at the mall because if I don’t I will be tired.  That I should wear a coat because of the cold temperatures outside.

Let’s establish a fact.  I am a woman, not a child.  My husband knows that.  But, he cares about me and worries about me.  Most of the time that warms my heart and makes me love him even more.  But, it is the holidays.  I may make the choice to eat a piece of cheesecake or stay up late watching holiday movies.

My advice to caregivers and spouses is to let us do that.  99% of the year I do what the doctors want me to do.  I eat bland food, I rest, take naps, use my wheelchair on outings to preserve my energy, etc., etc., etc.  But, my entire life I have loved Christmas time so if I want to make an applesauce cake and actually eat a piece- let me be.

If I want to go outdoors in just a sweater and scarf so I don’t feel overheated- let me be.

If I want to go to the company Christmas party and stay up late- let me be.

I am completely aware of the consequences of bending the rules and have probably made a back-up plan to deal with such.  Whether it be taking a longer nap the next day or going back to my fat free taste free diet January 2nd.  But, for now, in the interest of a peaceful and enjoyable holiday season- please let me be.  It is the best gift you can give this holiday season!

I can’t find my bleepin’ (oops, had an Illinois governor moment LOL) keys- AGAIN.  Now, I know that many of you that don’t live with a chronic illness can relate to this but those of you that do can relate on a completely different level.  Brain “fog” as this symptom of many chronic illnesses is known,  is my most frustrating symptom on a personal level.  I feel like I can’t trust myself to remember things that used to come naturally, such as my son’s orthodontist appointment or where the heck I put my keys, shoes- you name it.

I am a professional organizer by trade so I have incorporated tried and true methods to help me remember, much like I would suggest to a client that struggles with attention deficit issues.  Yet, here I sit.  Typing a blog post instead of driving to Bible study because I can’t find my bleepin’ keys.

I prayed and resolved myself to the fact that since it is freezing rain outside maybe I am not supposed to be driving today.  God knows my stubborn nature and knows that hiding my keys is probably the only way to keep me at home today. Or, I’m losing it. I prefer the first option.

Cognitive impairment (I prefer brain fog) occurs in approximately 50-60 percent of people with multiple sclerosis (www.nmss.org).  It manifests itself through issues with short term memory, information processing and executive functioning abilities.  Executive functioning are those mundane, everyday things like being able to balance a checkbook, shop from a list, locate your bleepin’ keys. 

The pre-frontal cortex of your brain (the frontal lobes that comprise the cerebrum) is responsible for these executive functioning and cognitive tasks.  This part of the brain also controls learning, behavior and judgement.

Other symptoms like fatigue, nutritional deficiencies, etc. can exacerbate the cognitive issues associated with MS.  And environmental and external pressures like stress (it is the holiday’s) can also worsen cognitive symptoms.

Does any of this make me feel any better?  Actually, yes.  Knowledge is power and being educated about the disease process that affects you is key to maintaining a realistic outlook on your situation.  I don’t need to sit here and beat myself up about the fact that I have lost my keys again.  I can chalk it up to a myriad of the issues mentioned above and actually chuckle that at least I have an excuse (since some of my friends have similar issues and no illness to blame it on LOL).

And, if brain fog or any other symptom does get you down from time to time (we are human and I for one tend to be emotional at times) then just remember the words to this song by Steven Curtis Chapman.  The lyrics came to my mind while I was frantically looking for my keys and are frequently of comfort to me:

His strength is perfect when my strength is gone

He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on

Raised in His power, the weak become strong

His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect.

His grace is sufficient~Melissa

Have you been there?  That room is spinning while you are standing still feeling that brings with it a wave of nausea and difficulty figuring out where you are in space.  Yes, vertigo is not a good feeling. 

Vertigo can have different causes.  For most people, the problem is in the inner ear.  All of the movement in your body registers in your inner ear.  When the inner ear is getting conflicting signals, vertigo results.  For people like me, vertigo is neurological.  This is trickier to treat but it is still possible.

There are different options for treating vertigo- many are similar to the treatments for motion sickness.  Technically treating the symptoms but effective nonetheless. My doctor prescribed Meclizine.  Although this makes you very tired (doesn’t everything? LOL) it is effective in treating the nausea that can be associated with a vertigo attack.

There are other things you can do to treat/avoid a vertigo attack.  Avoid foods that can upset your stomach.  A natural remedy for nausea is ginger.  I usually have hard ginger candy to pop in my mouth if I am in a setting where taking my Meclizine won’t work (remember, it makes me very sleepy).  Closing my eyes makes the feeling worse so I naturally avoid that. Stairs, riding in the car, standing up suddenly are all things that can trigger an attack as well.

Do you suffer from vertigo?  Share how you cope with us!

Okay, so most people are able to go get an MRI and go home.  Not me!  First of all, I am claustrophobic.  Now this issue can come in varying degrees.  For me, it comes in a claw my way out, think my heart is going to race out of my chest, break into a cold sweat and cry my eyes out kinda way.  So, it is necessary to give me a little something to relax me before I can go near an MRI machine.

In addition, because the most accurate look at the brain is in a closed MRI machine and a closed MRI is how they monitor the progression of my MS and the status of a venous angioma, I spend some time in said machine.  My doctor is a kind human being, especially to the MRI technicians, and gives me enough sedatives to render me unconscious.  That means it takes a village, not to raise a child, but to get me through an MRI.

My friend, Noelle, picked me up at 8am, got me dressed with little assistance from my very doped up self and drove me the 65 miles to the MRI place.  There my grandparents met her to help get me out of the car and into the waiting room.  I sign my name (this of course I do not remember) on a consent form (now, really should you be signing your name on a consent of any kind when you don’t know where you are or what you are there for?).  Then they transfer my limp self to a wheelchair, then to a stretcher and put me in the MRI machine (after strapping my head down and closing the helmet like device on it).  It is knowing that my head gets strapped down that makes me extra thankful I am so out of it.  Then they put you in the tube, the machine makes loud scary noises that my brain somehow integrates into the happy drug induced dreams I am having, they bring me out of the machine, give me a shot of contrast, put me back in the torture tube, take some more pictures of my brain and I am done. 

Said support team gets me back out to the car where I spend the trip home sleeping off the meds.  Again, so thankful for the ability to sleep through anything with the help of medication. And, I am sure the techs and my family/friends are extra thankful too :-)  Results will be in mid month.

I have had a difficult week.  I am frustrated with my doctors, frustrated with my body, frustrated with my life and if I am completely honest I am even frustrated with God.  Sometimes you just get tired of hearing bad news.  I would like to go to the doctor and get some good news.  I’d like to get good labs back.  But that is apparently not the path for me right now and I have been getting downright depressed and yucky about it.

A sad but true phenomenon that takes place when I get frustrated with life is that I tend to distance myself from God.  This should be counter-intuitive to me by now.  God is the only one that can give me the strength to continue on this journey, yet I run from and avoid Him when things are not going my way.

Because, really, that is what it boils down to.  I don’t like my circumstances.  I wish they were different.  I wish God would take this cup from me but He is choosing not to.  And that needs to be okay with me or I am going to feel like this a lot. 

2 Corinthians 4:7-18 brought me comfort today.  When I was crying out to God- “where are you?”, He answered with these verses.  It boils down to the truth I know in my heart- it is when we are weak that He is strong.  I am feeling hard pressed by continued health issues and restrictions- He promises I will not be crushed.  I am perplexed and looking for the answers to questions that may not be answered this side of Heaven- He promises I will not be given over to despair.  I feel persecuted and betrayed by my own body, I feel like no one else understands what I go through- He promises not to abandon me.  I feel struck down by fatigue, pain, depression, brain fog- He promises  I will not be destroyed.  And though outwardly I certainly feel like I am a waste, I can be renewed internally by His loving compassion and mercy.  I just have to accept it.    Why is that so hard?

A great gift idea for those living with a chronic illness is the gift of massage!  A recent study by the American Massage Therapy Association discovered that not only does getting a massage provide relaxation and stress relief but massage also has healing properties.  A survey conducted by the same association states that almost 1/3 of people that regularly get massages do so to treat the symptoms of a medical condition.

There are different types of massages that can target specific health issues, including migraine headaches, neuromuscular issues, back pain and even high blood pressure (hypertension).

You should always consult your physician before starting massage therapy, but when ordered by a physician some insurance companies will provide coverage for therapeutic massage. 

I know there is no gift I appreciate more than a 60 minute Swedish massage.  I never fail to fall asleep during this time and it works out so many of the kinks and pains that tend to find their home in my muscles.  I always make sure that I have a masseuse that has experience with MS, because an inexperienced person could do damage rather than good.  The same is true for prenatal massage- go to someone who has been specifically trained.

If you are wondering what to get someone living with a chronic illness, consider the gift of massage. 

With the holidays upon us I wanted to take some time to talk about the effects that this busy time of year can have on our health.  It is tempting to push yourself with the amount of activity on the calendar this time of year.  Here are a few tips for taking care of yourself while still enjoying this joyful time of year.

1. Pace yourself.  It is not wise to plan several events in one day, especially if you don’t allot any time for rest in between.  It is better to attend a few get togethers and truly enjoy yourself than attend many and end up feeling yucky!
2. Remember to maintain  a healthy diet.  Pigs in a blanket and eggnog do not a healthy diet make!  Certain medications need you to maintain your intake for your body to metabolize them properly (such as anti-coagulants).  So, don’t forget to eat and when you do eat, try to keep the foods as nutritious as possible.
3. Be careful with alcohol, especially if it is contraindicated with any of your medications.  Even if it doesn’t interfere with any meds, alcohol can impair your balance.  So again, be careful!
4. Take a nap.  Even if it is just for 15-30 minutes it allows your body to re-energize. You will feel better physically and mentally.
5. Take time to enjoy the little things this holiday season.  There are a lot of ways that limitations may affect your holidays but there is so much more to be thankful for so focus on the positive!
6. Do a lot of your shopping online.  This avoids exposing yourself to the crowds at the malls (and the germs if you are immuno-compromised) and allows you to save your energy for spending time with family and friends.
7. Keep it simple.  If you are entertaining or participating in holiday events, resist the urge to go all out, thus exhausting yourself.  Your guests are coming to spend time with you.  So, if that means sticking a frozen lasagna in the oven leaves you feeling up to visiting and enjoying your company, that is just fine!
8. Get some sunlight.  Being indoors too much limits your Vitamin D intake.  Vitamin D is not only good for your mental health but your neurological health as well.  Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a risk this year, especially for those of us cooped up.  Ways to avoid this are to spend time doing things you enjoy, with people you enjoy and to get outdoors when you can.
9. Laugh!  Laughter is awesome medicine and the holidays are usually full of opportunities to laugh at others and yourself (in a nice way of course:-)
10. Remember the true reason for the season.  The birth of Christ, being thankful and making goals for the new year that is almost upon us.  The world is about so much more than just us- so reach out and help someone less fortunate.  That will always make you feel better!