thorninmyside

It is far too easy to become victim to your emotions and start to feel like a huge burden to the support network you have worked so hard to build.  For example, in addition to my usual low energy, easily irritated, chronically ill self, I have mangled my foot trying to be supermom** last week.

I am now on crutches- which I should really tape and put on YouTube because when you have balance issues and vertigo combined with a bum foot and crutches, it is (according to my hubby and children) freakin’ hilarious!  The little that I already accomplish and contribute to the running of my household has screeched to a halt while I ice my foot and lick my ego.

I am a Type A perfectionist, overachieiving, demanding (especially of myself) individual who detests feeling like a burden.  And with situations such as this I can very easily fall into the woe is me, they would be better off without me around pity party.  I have thrown such pity parties before, trust me!

But this week, my wise grandmother suggested that I stop viewing myself as the problem and look at the limitation I am facing as the problem.  Instead of being mad at myself and feeling inadequate that I can’t make it downstairs to tuck my kids in- get creative and figure out ways to make it work.  Look at the inaccessability of our lower level as the problem, not my inability to manage steps without breaking something.

Well, that way of looking at the situation went a long way in helping me feel less of a problem and more a part of the solution. So far we have purchased a wireless chime thingy so that I can press a button and the boys will know to come up for dinner, etc.  My hubby is installing a nanny cam type device in the rec room and the TV room so that I can look at how messy it has gotten and tell the kids when it is time to clean up.  (I have to admit that I sit upstairs and obsess about how messy it must be down there, I can’t help it :-)  We also learned that I can ride my scooter around to the outside entrance of the basement when I REALLY need to be downstairs and forego using the steps at all.

My point here is that I didn’t think of any of these solutions until I stopped looking at myself as the problem (hello, can’t heal myself) and focused on the facts of the situation.  Fact over emotion is often a good way to look at things that bring up strong emotion. 

**and just a note about supermom- Chronically ill supermom is one that manages to paste a smile on her face, ignore her pain and aches, and complete tasks that prior to her diagnosis were trivial and taken for granted, such as doing laundry, going downstairs to tuck her children into bed or playing mom taxi six nights a week.  Inside, we beat ourselves up for not being the mom we used to be, the wife we never were (I mean who am I trying to kid LOL) and the woman that seems to have betrayed us in our own body.  The body that feels like it belongs to someone else because it sure doesn’t perform like the old me.  When you try to play supermom** you will pay.  It may not be right away but the illness that you have will catch up to you and bludgeon you with symptoms. So, please for the sake of yourself and your health, let supermom go.  Just be the mom you can be and that is good enough.

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