thorninmyside

When you are living with a chronic illness having a support system is critical to your health.  Support comes in many different forms.  There is professional support from the medical community, there is emotional support from your friends and family, spiritual support from a religious community and belief system and physical support from medications, alternative therapies, etc.  However and wherever you find support is fine.  It is just imperative that you have a support system.  We were not designed to go through life alone and certainly not during difficult times.  And, let’s face it:  living with a chronic illness is one difficult time after another. 

We need people to come alongside us and pick us up when we are down, tell us what step is necessary for treatment, pray with us, hold our hand or slap (not literally, but with words as only good friends can) us silly to get us out of our funk.

So, how do you find support? Or, maybe more importantly, how do you accept the support?    Sometimes, it is so hard to let people help us.  Reaching out for support and building your support system requires vulnerability and it also requires you to have shed any residual feelings of denial about your condition.  Asking for help, admitting you can’t do this alone means putting aside pride and replacing it with relationship.

Here are ten things that have helped me in building a support network for myself:

1. Go small.  By this I mean, do not make it your goal to cast a net and build a support organization, rather than network.  Not everyone is going to be right for your team.  Don’t be so anxious to have support that you turn off your discernment and intuition.  I always remind myself that Jesus surrounded himself with many people, but only kept twelve in intimate relationship.
2. Number 1 was a word of caution is as number 2.  Resist the urge to go it alone.  If you are anything like me you want to get a big bullhorn, stomp your feet and scream “I can do this myself”.  Let go of that or you will push away the very people God has sent to be part of your support network.
3. Take advantage of the internet and technology.  I have met so many wonderful people through online medical sites, online support groups, the National MS Society website, etc.  Google your particular “thorn” and you will be amazed at the deep and supportive relationships you can build with people going through exactly the same thing as you.  And, someday, when the dust has settled on your new diagnosis, you can be a cheerleader to someone.  I have only been diagnosed since January 08 and have only been on treatment since July but have already had the opportunity to comfort the newly diagnosed as well as be comforted by invisible illness veterans.  This type of support is invaluable.  (at the end of this site there will be links to some websites I have found helpful)
4. Check out local resources.  Some churches and hospitals have support groups (although I always caution that support type groups need to focus on the positive and not turn into a group pity party) and many national associations have local chapters that can provide you with information on physicians, physical therapists, prescription assistance, etc.
5. Remember that family and friends are human and do not know what it is like to live in your shoes.  So, as much as they want to be there for you and as much as they genuinely care, they will say the wrong thing; ask the wrong question; give bad advice and make you feel like a burden at some point.  Cut them slack and forgive quickly.  They are (i certainly hope) doing the best they can.
6. Play on strengths.  If you have a friend that is great at encouraging but really gets uncomfortable talking about the details of your condition, then let that person be the one you call when you are feeling down- not when you need to talk about your injection site reactions, your bladder incontinence or the horrible phlebotomist experience!  Don’t write somone off just because they can’t be your whole support team wrapped into one person!
7. Be a good friend back.  Somedays, I am a grump because I am in pain, tired, blah, blah, blah.  But, I will either apologize in advance or go back and apologize if I have snapped at someone or not returned a phone call.  Remember birthdays, thank them for what they do for you.  Never, ever take your friends and family for granted.
8. Try not to be (what my friend Rebecca refers to as) a ‘Debbie Downer”.  Your illness is a part of you, it does not have to define you.  Allow the joy of the Lord to be your strength and keep a positive attitude.  You will be amazed at how many positive people that will attrace to you as a result!
9. In the same vein, be authentic.  If you are having a bad day, try not to put yourself in situations where you will have to put on the “happy” face and pretend you’re fine.  It is perfectly okay, and sometimes the best for your overall health, to call and cancel something than to overextend yourself and pay the price later.
10. Be true to yourself.  Surround yourself with people (virtual and in real life) that make you feel good, that support you without judgment and that love you, illness and all!

Be sure to check out these links for more information:

http://www.cafechronique.com

<a href=”http://www.bzzagent.com//p/024749090/Multitaskingmama”>Visit checkMD</a>

http://www.cafemom.com

http://www.feelchicboutique.com

Trackback URI | Comments RSS